Sticks and Stones: Why we need to understand the harms caused by language, actions, and policy
Written by Andy Bourne, Volunteer and Service User Involvement Lead, Change Grow Live St Helens
Sticks and stones is a retort, a nursery rhyme, often used when taunted or insulted; the expression is meant to show that you won’t be affected by taunts, insults, or bullying. The idiom sticks and stones is an abbreviation of the proverb, ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.’
I remember, at infant school (a very, very long time ago), using this proverb as a defence mechanism against the bullies who taunted me for my weight and making my life hell.
The proverb was ingrained in me by my lovely Mam, a wonderful, kind, and loving woman. Every time I would return home, upset, in tears, she would try comfort me and try help build my resilience to hurtful words with ‘sticks and stones.’
The good old fashioned stiff upper lip and witty takedown/response which would put the bullies in their place!
Did it work? Of course not. I carried the trauma of those taunts into my adolescence, adulthood, and even still to this day, fill me with doubt and self-loathing at times.
They made me believe I was a freak, unworthy, made me exclude myself from enjoying many of the ‘normal’ things in life I really wanted to do. Swimming, having regular relationships, going for jobs, or whatever it may have been.
My self-worth would be something which always held me back. Even when I lost the weight. It’s hard to have self-worth when you feel worthless, and we need to feel worthy to survive.
Like many, I turned to self-medication with alcohol and drugs, destructively, to briefly banish those demons, and an attempt to build a false confidence. Either that or just escape from it all.
When I initially tried to get support, my doctor’s indifference, (or basic mistrust as to why I was there), is something which has always stuck with me. I recall one occasion when I went to seek help from my GP and the receptionist, (when I was trying to explain why I was there) rudely responding ‘He’s not going to give you any sleepers, if that’s what you’re after!’. It wasn’t, but I never went back for help for a long, long time after that. Certainly not to my GP.
I’m not removing any notion of self-motivation, personal responsibility, or laying the blame completely at the feet of those negative experiences we have all faced at times. It’s clear through, through the work we currently do, that stigmatising behaviour does have a huge effect, and we need to be much better.
We need to fight de-humanising behaviour
Challenging de-humanising behaviour, in any situation, is something we are making a priority in the work we do in St Helens. With the support and involvement of the many fantastic people who use Change Grow Live services, we are working to engage, educate, challenge, and inform anyone who works with people, about the harms from stigma, stigmatising language, and how we can do better.
My personal example pales in comparison with most of the stories I have heard, working in services which support people for the past 30 years. It still shocks me when I hear the many personal experiences of stigma, treatment and language people can experience within all sectors, and sections, of the communities we live. It doesn’t exclude treatment and recovery services we work in, either. We can all still do a lot better.
As part of my role, I deliver training as part of a wider harm reduction initiative, which has an ever-increasing component on stigma, language, and identifying that the stigma faced by people who use our services ‘IS’ a harm and should be identified as such.
This training is regularly delivered to our own teams, volunteers, partners, community groups and others as a wider harm reduction package. It involves sharing some of the stories the courageous people who use our services are willing to share. Understanding how words do hurt, and that stigmatising language, treatment and behaviour can stop people from getting the help that they need and deserve.
Documentary project: Sticks and Stones
The CGL St Helens Film group, which we established last year, meets weekly, and we are currently developing a new documentary project called ‘Sticks and Stones’. Alongside this, we are putting together poems, artwork, stories, films, and interviews as part of a St Helens wide campaign to tackle stigma towards people who use drug and alcohol services.
The campaign aims to involve key people within service provision, within the borough of St Helens, and is led by Commissioners, NHS community/hospital units, Ambulance Service, Council services community, voluntary services/agencies, and Change Grow Live. The campaign seeks to take a borough wide approach to tackling stigma, by presenting a drug and alcohol problem as a health condition, and that people wanting that support are as deserving as anyone else.
We aim to present people who use services as the people, humans, they are. Not the image often portrayed through media, misinformation, ignorance, and fear.
You can see our trailer for the upcoming documentary by viewing:
Editing the film
A film group meeting
The final poster for the documentary
Challenging stigma with kindness
As I write this, it is World Kindness Day, where we are encouraged and reminded to be kind to others.
We shouldn’t need to be reminded why kindness is so important, but in delivering the message above, we want to ensure that we challenge the harms of stigma by also engaging with kindness, openness, and compassion always. If not, the message can be lost.
‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but broken bones heal in 6 weeks’. Julie Brown – A constant inspiration and survivor.
For further information on anything, please email andrew.bourne@cgl.org.uk
